2005-08-19
1:58 a.m.
You can�t force happiness. It just happens. Nothing you can do will ever make you happy; it�s something that comes from a result of your experience. The hand cannot be forced.
The same goes for love. No matter how much you care, you can�t force things. Sometimes you just have to listen, no matter how much you want to want to help. Even when passion arrests better judgment, exercise of the basic principles of human understanding must deliver you from the fire that eats you away inside. Otherwise, injury sustained from the resulting fallout will invariably wound more than caging the beast ever will. In short, things left unsaid hurt. Things said often hurt more, especially with the fuel of anger, impatience, and love.
Why love? Love makes us feel simultaneous power and weakness. Undoubtedly, the weakness takes the ego to task, while the power urges it forward. Soon, the frailty of the soul in love is defeated. While this may sound like a victory, it is our vulnerability that allows us to love completely. Otherwise, we are simply fiends of emotion with no humility, respect, or dignity. We may care, but are incapable of showing it.
So what can we do? How do we remain defenseless? What are these barriers that we can�t seem to tear down? What are we afraid of?
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I yelled again last night, and I hate myself for it. Every time it�s like a step back, and instead of being greeted by good times like reminiscing, it tears open old wounds that never seem to heal entirely. I�m always quick to blame myself. Who else could it be?
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Please pray / sacrifice an animal / think happy thoughts for Flower�s dad. He is having heart surgery on Monday.
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Happiness - 2005-08-19
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